Clichés...did they really just say that?

I had this big blog worked up about losing Cray and Cameron but it’s just not matching up with my feisty soul today. I just have to get this off of my chest. It does not only pertain to death but to loss and the human condition in general.  I‘ve decided that being a death “sur-thrivalist” is one of my newly designated superpowers along with making up cool new words like “surthrival” and “shituation”.  Clichés are from hell. Seriously. Here are a few gems that I have heard in the last few years. Not just in the context of losing two of my three amazing kids, but in the context of extracting myself from the shittiest of possible marriages, being stalked and terrorized un-relentingly for a few years and landing square on my feet to rise up and be freaking awesome. Just a few thoughts on the following.

• Everything happens for a reason.  Hmmm..sometimes true but especially true when you make stupid choices and subject yourself to making them over and over again and not listening to what the universe is trying to teach you. And when said to you in the context of illness, death, divorce or whatever hurts your soul, smile and walk away.
  

• God gives you lessons over and over again until you learn from them. Yes my friends, I have heard this on more than one occasion. I don’t know about your God but I am quite certain that my God did not evaluate my “shituation” (See? There it is!!) after losing one child and deem that I had not learned enough. And I know that he/she has not done that to you. Do not lose faith in the midst of your turmoil. Whatever that faith might be. Hang on to what gives you comfort and embrace the ebb and flow of loss. It is not a lesson (unless you need to re-read the above and stop making bad decisions) it is the most natural part of our life.
  

• God only gives you as much as you can handle. This is just simply bullshit. God is not sitting around somewhere doling out pain and suffering to those that can more or less handle it. We are all at the mercy of pain and suffering and we will get through it. I swear.
  

• She is in a better place now. Fuck off.
  

• I know how you feel. Yeah..no you don’t. There is simply no possible way on earth that we as humans can know how one another feels even in the most comparable of situations. I know that this is meant as a method to empathize and bond with those that we are comforting but for me personally? It just makes me want to bitch slap you really hard in the face, with a chair.
  

• Time heals all wounds. This is so laughable. Time does nothing but tick away the precious minutes of our lives. We have to make space to heal. We have to take baby steps to find our new normal and as we do, we can begin to compartmentalize the hurt and pain and bring it out when we need to. We have to find time to honor the experience but allow ourselves to move forward. Time does nothing but expedite the need to find new meaning and purpose in our newly defined lives.  And, if we are open to it, find ways to grow from our experiences. If we are not open to it, that’s okay too! Time does not heal. Healing takes effort and energy. We all come to this at different times and, for the love of Christmas, just honor it, okay?
  

• Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Ok. So this is a hard one because I believe it is the most well-meaning of empty clichés. It is amazing after loss how quiet life becomes. Very quickly. After the services are over and the casseroles have been eaten up, life goes on. There we are, alone with our new reality while everyone else resumes normalcy. The silence can be deafening. Historically, I am not exempt from throwing this cliché out there but of late I choose to say “sending you love and strength” because don’t we all really need both? Strength to get through the day, the crisis or just to get out of bed. Strength to deal with shitty co-workers, a faltering marriage or loneliness and isolation? Sending a prayer is a great assumption, however, not everyone is religious. Thoughts are nice but don’t help us accomplish anything. We can all use more strength and I KNOW that we all need more love. Pure and Simple.
  

On that note, I am signing off and I am sending love and strength out to anyone reading this and to a few who aren’t.